Thursday, June 21, 2007


They took MaryAnn off the vent this morning. Funeral tomorrow. I'm sad for her family. She will be missed.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


They've weaned back the complete sedation so she can nod her head and squeeze your hand for communication.
Her husband says the "plan" is to get her back to "where she was" (meaning, three days ago when she was bucking the BiPAP); his goal is to 1) keep her comfortable, but 2) able to carry on a conversation. He wants the family to be able to have final moments with her.
There are discussions about a hospice center vs home care.
Funeral arrangements and a plot purchase.
How does she do the bills? Utilities must be paid. Mortgage is due. Car payments can't be late.
She's 57. Fifty-seven years old. Bald, pale, swollen with fluid. There are many boxes of kleenex in the room, for family and friends, and to wipe the tears from her eyes and the drool from her mouth.
She'd bought a purse like she always wanted. She worried he'd be mad she spent the money. He cried now because she even had to ask.
She'd had a sudden burst of energy recently; was able to do some quilting and finish a few crafts. Started cleaning out her closets and drawers, clothes that didn't fit.
I called her house, to leave a message for her family. It was strange to hear her voice on the machine. When I was leaving her bedside today, she raised her hand up from the soft wrist restraints and gestured with a few fingers. I have no idea what she wanted to say, but couldn't. But she knew I was there. Her husband gave her a foot massage. Her sister rubbed lotion on her scalp. The flowers her son gave her are at the nurses' station.
Too many thoughts, jumbled.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Fingers crossed

My very good friend with the SCLC is in ICU; they were sedating her for intubation when I left. Her family is terrified of the vent. I'm just sad.
It's hard just being there for them when I can't fix it and make it all better.

Friday, June 15, 2007


I'm writing today to seek advice for hastened healing and pain management.
Lateral epicondylitis. Tennis elbow. Awful. Horrible. Ow.
I've had it for a while, off and on, but lately it has flared up and I'm getting zero relief.
It all started a good 15 years ago when I injured my rotator cuff, pulling a patient up in bed. Since then, I favored hauling dead weight from the other direction, which in turn has created a situation with the opposite elbow.
It has enhanced itself to the point that I have difficulty grasping and lifting objects. Sleeping is torture, it seems to hurt more at rest, and I never can find a comfortable position to lay my arms.
The mechanics of the musculoskeletal system are simply amazing; something I've never been quite so much in awe of until mine isn't working properly!
I've been icing it, and taking NSAIDs. I do not want a cortisone injection if I can avoid it. I try my best to rest it when I can, but the nature of my job is such I can't just *not* use it at all. Besides that, it's my dominant arm! Ugh.
Any advice?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Back in the saddle again

I went on vacation, and all I got was this nasty rash.
PLE/PMLE, what ever you want to call it, it sucks.
I used to tan well, without even trying. Now, I still don't burn, but I get this itchy nasty funk on my arms and face. It's not an allergy; I get the rash even if I don't use sunscreen (but yet I do, of course, mostly).
So, anyway, my trip was rife with unfortunate events large and small, and all the petty inconveniences aside, I did not enjoy my leisure time. This may be the only time you hear me say it, but it's good to be back at work. (!) The 18 wildly demented people I was in charge of the last two 12 hours shifts are CAKE compared to the nimrods on I-95.
Have you ever sat on a highway (parking lot) for 3.5 hrs? Completely shut down secondary to an accident. My legs still ache. And swell.
A new GN will be starting orientation soon.
I might get to start my three 12's *sometime* this summer.
The time off I have coming in August will be plan-free. I am leaving it up to the fates. If I sit here in the a/c watching DVDs the whole time, it will be fine. I will be okay. Promise.
Back to school to complete my BSN in September.
Am astounded by how much I really like my job. Guess I just needed some time away to truly appreciate it.
Was unable to attend my 20-year H.S. reunion. From the looks of the photos, nothing has changed. You know how certain cliques can be? Well, they still are. Funny how none of my friends back then were in any pics. Perhaps they didn't bother to go either. I'm glad I'm all grown up now and stuff like that doesn't bother me anymore.
Thumbs Up
Ok, I found this link over at yorlor's, and I'm particularly pleased with my new title.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Most Noble and Honourable the Carnivorous of Nether Wombleshire
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title