A new year, A new me

The Bitter Woman's Guide to Zen

To know Nirvana, you must understand these four noble truths:

1. Anything that angers me will incur my wrath.
2. All suffering is caused by my wrath.
3. You can avoid my wrath by not being stupid.
4. You can avoid being stupid by following the Four-Fold Path.

• Do not say anything to contradict me. This is called "Right Views."
• Strive, at all times, not to anger me. This is called "Right Intentions."
• Do not say anything you know, or even suspect, will anger me. This is called "Right Speech."
• Keep a chocolate bar and a twinkie for me on your person at all times. This is called "Right Conduct."

You can find the road to Nirvana by contemplating these ancient koans, or riddles:

What is the sound of my fist slamming against your head?

All beings tremble before violence. All fear death. All love life. Knowing this, would a wise man poke a snake?

Tabibi once asked Baso, "What is Buddah?" Baso answered, "Damned if I know. Where's my twinkie?"

Right Views. Right Intentions. Right Speech. Right Conduct. If a student has the patience to wait until the mud clears, the student will not get his ass kicked.

Peace be with you.